Gay younger and older
Silver daddies: Why perform young adult men like older partners?
You’ve probably heard of “sugar daddies.” Or “the internet’s daddy,” Pedro Pascal. Stereotypes of this widespread term abound, but what does it actually mean to be a “daddy”? And who is most likely to engage in age-gap relationships, and why?
Daddies of a Unlike Kind, published today by UBC sociologist and assistant professor Dr. Tony Silva (he/him), analyzes the stories of same-sex attracted and bisexual daddies and asks why younger adult men are interested in older men for sex and relationships.
We spoke to Dr. Silva about his findings.
What is a daddy and why were you interested in studying them?
Many people think of a daddy as a desirable, confident older man who may be associated with a younger partner. The designation has gained popularity in recent years, and while it is used in the context of heterosexual, gay or bisexual relationships, explore across the Western world shows that age-gap relationships are far more prevalent among gay and bisexual men than any other organization. I was interested in finding out why, and teaching more
11 Ways to Find an Older or Younger Bloke for a Relationship– Same-sex attracted Age Gap Dating Advice
When it comes to attraction, a large age gap brings with it numerous nuances. One of arguably the biggest hurdles to overcome is the first. How to meet an older partner or younger partner?
From finding a fling to discovering marriage material, for gay men, actively finding a partner that’s significantly older or younger can feel much more difficult than for those seeking those similar to their age.
Aside from the reduced number of people genuinely interested in dating someone 15 years, 20 years, 30 years + apart from them (like TheAgeGapGuys have), location plays the biggest part. This isn't meaning physical distance between people – though that naturally impacts relationship sustainability – but the long term location (i.e. where you inhabit and work) of the person seeking to gather an older / younger man.
Your location impacts an enormous array of things for gay men, including but not limited to:
The legality of homosexuality
Liberalness and acceptance of gay peo
Gay Relationship Advice: Age Gaps in Gay Relationships
Many of my LGBTQ counseling clients ask me why they are only attracted to gay men younger than themselves. If you are happy virtual dating gay men in their twenties, then this question is not important. It&#;s like asking &#;Why do I prefer blondes over brunettes?&#; My advice is to let yourself enjoy dating whomever interests you (as long as they are over the age of 18).
Age gap relationships are more common than you may realize. In western countries:
- 1 out of every twelve male/female couples has an age gap of 10 years or more
- that number increase to 25% in male/male couples
- and 15% of female/female relationships
That same study indicated that age gap partners are more satisfied and more committed to each other than partners of similar age–though there is some explore that points to a correlation with higher rates of divorce. Research also shows that couples with an age gap of less than ten years are happier than those with an age gap greater than ten years. You can find more details on these stats on this episode of the pod
Thomas Gass, a dentist in California, has survived the curse—twice. The curse? Gass is a gay male whose only sexual attraction is to men significantly older than he is.
Gass lost his first loved one, 28 years his senior, through the slowly failing effects of Lou Gehrig’s disease after they had been together for 13 years. After recovering from his grief, he initiate love again with a man 18 years older but endured another tragic loss when his second partner died of pancreatic cancer after they had spent 17 years together. Still a relatively new man, Gass might wonder whether or not to take a chance on loving an older bloke again. For him, however, the choice is between an older man or no man at all. Gass and his friends—all of whom had disoriented older life partners—have labeled their abiding sexual attraction “the curse of creature attracted to older men.”
I began to study queer relationships with age disparities while conducting research for my book, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight. Gass and I started to correspond after he and his friends had read and discussed my essay